Option 3...

Sorry for the delay as I have been busy spending time with Mom in the hospital.  Most of the time with the boys around, didn't have enough time to finish.  Thanks for all the prayers, according to Fian, there's no Option 1 or 2, only 3 and 4 cuz' God is with us on top of the two Options...we have made our decision with FAITH, purely relying on Him, nothing human.

20121219 Wednesday - With the bad news, I'm sure everyone's heart was heavy.  Thank God for giving me peace, especially in front of a group of people.  My tears somehow only falls when I'm in front of Gloria, haha (so far so good).  I'm sure a lot of us would pick Option 2 in the first place, knowing that 20% vs 0%, including me.  Like how Rev. Wong reminded us that at least we will have no regrets as we have tried everything.  But who would know how much pain Mom has to bear.  Actually, only Dad knows as he's the only one who's with her 24/7.  Everyone would think Mom is going to make the decision as usual (that's how it works in my family and I'm sure a lot of other places, haha) but she said she would listen to Dad this time.  Poor Dad, hahaha...

Fian confirmed that she could leave the next day and would arrive Thursday evening.  I also took off work early after explaining to my colleagues (will probably work from home or hospital).  I have to say that this early holiday is not very exciting.  While we are praying about which option to go for, Mom wanted to make the decision together as a family when Fian arrives.  So yea, she wanted to wait for Fian's arrival.  The doctors and the nurses were so nice to respect Mom and asked her to take her time but I know it's time sensitive (for option 2) when they just kept asking if Fian had arrived every few hours.

If we go Option 1, even though it may look like we are giving up and Mom will probably have about one week of time on earth, she wouldn't have to suffer with no pain.  She'll be transferred to palliative care unit (if space is available) which I heard it will be more like a hotel than hospital.  The sad part is that her mind may not be as clear and she may not like to eat.  Of course, that means she will not have much time with us.  

If we go Option 2, Mom may need to suffer a lot more and the end result maybe even be worse than Option 1.  As per the doctors and Carly, her leukemia has spread all over her body including her lungs, kidneys, colon, liver, skins, etc.  The chances of making it is slim.  Also, any side effects may take her life in hours.

It looks like a hard decision and yes, it is a very hard decision as this is a life decision of someone we love a lot.  However, I don't think it's hard cuz' we are scared to be blamed for making a wrong one as we are all faithful and trust that God's plan is always the best.  I think it's harder to open up among each one of us on how we think, especially Mom.  The first question I asked Mom, "Are you scared?".  Mom's answer was quick and clear, "No, not at all.".  Once again, God gave me peace the whole time even when Dad was crying like a baby.  Dad loves Mom so much that he wants to spend more time with her on earth but at the same time, his love for her is a selfless one that he rather to see her less just so Mom doesn't need to suffer.  In tears and a shaky voice, he said, "We'll see each other in heavy."  And I knew they already agreed that Option 1 will be the final one. I'm sure Fian will respect that but Mom and Dad still want to make the decision together when Fian is around.

We all had fun in the hospital.  Yes, Gloria took the boys down with dinner so we got to spend time together around Mom.  We are planning to spend a lot more time downtown this holidays for sure.

20121220 Thursday - Fian arrived later than we all expected (19:05).  Well, it's actually my fault as I mistakenly thought 14:55 is the arrival time but, instead, it's the duration.  

Gloria and I took the boys down after lunch and took turns going up while the boys were sleeping in the car.  We went out to get sushi at night while waiting for Fian's arrival.  The freezing rain caused a little traffic on the way but Fian arrived saved.  I whatsapped her Option 1 once she arrived.  Her response was, "I knew it, respect that."  This is exactly what I expected from her too, no surprise.  She does have questions, like all of us.  So, Carly gathered all our questions and will try to get all answered from the doctors.  The doctors and team actually were still waiting for our formal response.  I'm sure we can have everything clarified in the "meeting".  The doctors were too busy that night, so 10am Friday morning was schedule.  Everyone was so happy so see Fian and the atmosphere was great tonight.  We got to spend some quality time together, God is good all the time.

Dad led a prayer before we formally talked as a family.  Mom prayed after we talked.  Everyone respected the decision and agreed that there's no look back and regret.  It's not that we don't try and give up.  It's just that we all have enough faith to just rely on God's hand but not depending on human's.  We joked around and saying that Mom needs to prepare everything for us up there before we arrive.  Mom's response was, "Me again?", hahaha.  As usual, she's the best candidate for that.  Thank God for making the decision so easy, thank you for the peace among us.  Grandma's heart is broken but at the same time, she knows who is in control.  Dad is still crying like a baby but his faith is not a bit less than Mom.  He was right though, we all cried non stop but Mom never, NEVER showed even a drop of tears.  She's still the strong and stubborn Mom of mine after all.  I'm so proud to have her as my Mom, I mean, how can she be this faithful even at this moment.  I guess I still have a lot to learn.

20121221 Friday - End of the world day.  Once again, this shows us only God holds the future, not human.  Fian and I came down on time even though we left late - no traffic.  The doctors didn't get to meet us until almost 5pm, haha.  Carly said to Tyler right a way, saying, "I'm not that late comparing to other doctors...", hahaha.  Poor Tyler, hahaha.  So Fian and I got to spend some time with Mom and Dad.  We talked about our most memorable things about Mom.  Most interesting things about us.  We even talked about what I cannot say in her funeral ceremony.  It was so sweet.  Gloria is right, our family is very close and we are always so noisy cuz' we talk a lot.  We can say anything and we can show all emotions.  Nothing will carry forward overnight.  God has been spoiling us actually.

With the decision already made, we just had a few questions to clarify.  We agreed that we will keep the transfusion and antibiotics but now the focus wouldn't be to cure, just on comfort.  We will stop the blood work and let God lead His way in His time.  Resuscitation level also was chosen with no tube and no prefibrillation.  Everything was settled and everyone's heart was lighter again.  

Since the palliative unit is packed, Mom is to keep staying in her room for now at least for these few days until next Monday.  She's happy about it.  We'll be trying our best to spend more time with her.  She also loves to see all her friends and doesn't mind having visitors.  There's a lot of visitors already.  Please try to keep your visit short as she still needs her rest.  Goodbye is hard but see you isn't...His grace is always sufficient.  Thank you God for everything.  Our faith will only be stronger. 

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:7-8)