Be my partner...

I think “having a meaningful life” is probably a pretty common goal for everyone.  Of course, each one of us will have a different definition of what a meaningful life is.

To me, a meaningful life is to have lots of fun, not just to make myself smile, but to make people around me smile; and not just to make people on earth smile but also to make Him smile.  Mom's departure definitely hit a lot of people big time, at least to me and my family.  Her role was just big in all ways.  Dad is slowly recovering.  He always ask if we miss Mom.  Of course we do but we may not leave it at the tip of our mouth 24/7.  I don't think my impact will be as great if I die today, haha.  I think writing this blog is a good way to express my feelings.  It helps me to recover better.  Gloria and Fian said Dad and I are the same type of men who are more sentimental and attached to people and things in life.  I don't disagree.  As mentioned before, it's good to hear from you Dad.  Please feel free to share.  Pray for him always.

Life is short regardless, my suggestions is not to waste time.  We are not in control and you never know what's gonna happen tomorrow.  In other words, we can't assume that there’ll always be a second chance or there'll always be a tomorrow.  I'm not asking you to worry.  My point is that we should enjoy our presence (this very second), as we can't change our past and we can't control our future.

I heard another two sad news this week: a 7 months old fetus baby whose heart just stopped inside his mommy’s tummy and a 20 months old toddler (baby Matthew, a friend of Jonah from BS Church) lost his vital sign in his crib a few mornings ago.  No one can answer your questions in your head now.  Both of them left their love ones without any signs in advance.  Please pray for their parents, family and friends.  It’s already tough losing a 63 years old Mom and I can't imagine when losing little ones.  Pray that God can give them strength and peace during this difficult time.  No man can say or do a thing to make them happy but He can.  We cannot make their sorrow less by anything we say, but we can help when we pray, cuz' He can.

I guess this is one of the days I am more mellow.  So, I want to share a love story this time.  A love story between two young ones who has just finished studying and started their career.  He is the eldest boy in his house who is very genuine.  He is very caring and he loves helping his family and others.  He didn't have much time to spend on his own just because he's helping his family.  This love story also started with his help.  She is also the eldest in her family also needs to help out a lot in cooking, shopping, looking after her two younger brothers.  Both of them are very down to earth with positive attitudes towards their future with lots of opportunities ahead.  That's right, here you go - Irene and Stanley (or Mom and Dad).  The story begins at their early stage of their career:

Dad met Mom at a night school.  Mom was a part time teacher and Dad was just a replacement teacher.  Thanks to Uncle Lawrence (my 3 Sok - Dad’s little brother) who wasn’t able to teach for a few weeks or so.  Having a helping heart as mentioned, Dad decided to help out and be the replacement teacher for Uncle Lawrence.  Mom and Dad somehow were teaching the same class.  They also have their classes right before/after each other with Mom’s first, then Dad’s followed.  According to Dad, Mom always over run for 5 to10mins each time, so Dad had to wait outside of the classroom waiting for Mom to finish.  Dad joked that Mom probably did that on purpose so he can have more time looking at and paying attention to her, hahaha.

Even though the window on the classroom door was tiny, this is where their love begins.  It was at Fall (please put a light reddish orange filter in your picture, haha), around September/October time.  Being the shy guy, Dad didn't have the guts to do a thing.  Thank God to this determined and stubborn Mom of mine, she "invited" Dad to their year end Christmas Party.  Well, maybe it's just part of her "caring" personality that made her do that since Dad was really a "new comer", hahaha.  No one knows other than Mom and Dad.  When Dad told me about this story by Mom's bed in the hospital, Mom didn't disagree.  Of course, I'm sure there's more than just a notification because Mom gave Dad her six-digit phone number too.

Mom and Dad's love story officially began from that Christmas Party.  Dad did invite Mom for a dance - "Could I have this dance?".  A lot of Mom's friends (Auntie/Uncles) were there at the Party.  They can be the witness (or share more about it if I missed anything).  Mom always love dancing, not those individual types but those that she can dance with her partner - her life time partner.  It was their very first dance.  To Dad, Christmas and dance have direct connection to Mom.  Their love story goes on... 

Being a typical guy, Dad wasn't very into dancing ever since that Christmas party.  He kept refusing to join Mom for dancing classes, lessons, parties, etc.  And even when he's "forced" to join, he wasn't really enjoying, haha.  I know he feels bad now but God has His plan.  Let's fast forward to a few weeks back.  The doctors told us that Mom would only have 24-36 hours left on Silent Night 2012.  Dad, Fian, Carly, Tyler, 4 Gu Jeh and I all stayed overnight.  Rev. Wong arrived on Christmas morning and prayed for her.  We all prepared and said our "last words" - our goodbyes.  But with His allowance, Mom had enough energy and was well enough to get up for a surprise later at night.  That's right, another Christmas night.  It wasn't a party on the outside but I'm sure that's how Mom and Dad felt that time.  

I couldn't help but to cry each time when I watch it.  This is one of the reasons I cried - their sweetest love.  Thanks to Carly for having such romantic and meaningful song in her phone.  The lyrics are just so designated to them and their story.  I'm sure that's what was in their heads at that time.  This is not a TVB series once again.  It does happen in real life.  Thank God for everything.

Could I Have This Dance? by Anne Murray

I'll always remember the song they were playin'

The first time we danced and I knew

As we swayed to the music and held to each other

I fell in love with you

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

Would you be my partner every night

When we're together it feels so right

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life

I'll always remember that magic moment

When I held you close to me

As we moved together, I knew forever

You're all I'll ever need.

Treasure with your love ones and enjoy your presence with them.  Mom has no fear facing death when holding Dad cuz' God gave them this perfect love.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister." (1John 4:18...21)

Fun times...

We did two fun things this past weekend: Skiing/snowboarding and Shopping Trip at Buffalo!

Gloria and I went ski and snowboard with Fian after so many years!  Derek and Uncle Ed also joined us.  Fian borrowed Carly's snowboard and boots and Gloria borrowed Jenny's skis and poles as she wants to go back to ski as I mentioned before.  We were so excited, especially for Gloria because this is her first time going back to the slopes since she's pregnant with Jake!!!  The last time she went was probably 2007/2008 winter, hahaha.  We didn't bring the kid this time (I kinda feel bad a little, sorry babies - next time).  

We were so excited (partially cuz' I got some good corporate deals, haha).  Once we hit the slope, Uncle Ed, Derek and I didn't waste a second wanting to zoom down.  Gloria was a bit nervous, not that she's a beginner and not because she's rusty hasn't hit the slope from 2007/2008, but she hasn't ski ski skiied for almost 10 years, haha.  But i guess skiing is like driving a stick shift car, holding chopsticks or riding a bicycle.  She picked it back up in no time.  However, the first run was brutal for Fian, haha.  I kept hearing, "The boots were too big", "The binding was not right", "The board was weird", "The slope was funny", etc.  She fell a couple of times.  At first, I was laughing at her and making fun of her making up those excuses but after a few more falls, I stopped, haha.  She even said she has cramps on her feet!  This is the last picture I took when I was still using my own...

So, we went back inside and see if we need to rent her a pair of boots or even the whole package.  But we wanted to give it another try by a special trick - stuffing tissue papers on her feet to make it more tight in her boots and give her my board with my favorite bindings.  That's right, I'm switching boards with her, which means I'm using Carly's board!!!  The thing is Fian is a goofy (right leg first) and both Carly and I are regulars.  It didn't take me too long to change the binding angles but the whole stop took us almost an hour!!!

The result - haven't been up on the hill for so long, Fian is rusty but it was really also her special flat feet plus the bindings!  You are right, she was totally okay with my boards and bindings.  No wonder Carly had bruises every time when she board, she needs a much better bindings!!!  I know what to get her next time, hehe.  Being a pretty decent rider, I have complaints with her bindings, hahaha.  They just don't give you enough supports.  Anyhow, both Fian and I were exhausted afterwards which means Dad was having a hard time giving us massages, hahaha.  Regardless, we had so much fun!!!

Dad didn't join. He did quite a lot himself though: organizing more for Mom's stuffs at church, took care of some paper works for Mom, went to funeral home for thank you cards, went measure the storage locker at the condo, worked out, and picked up Jake before meeting us at my home before we head south for our next fun event - shopping at Buffalo!!!  Mom's stuffs give away event was another success.  When Fian sent me this picture, I thought they were at Pacific Mall, hahaha!!!  Thanks for all Aunties for coming.  Fian said, wait til I see Mom's stuffs "floating" around at church, hahaha.  God is good once again.

As promised, here are the pictures of the Visitation, Funeral Service and the Burial especially for those who weren’t able to join.  Thanks for your loves, cares, supports and prayers from Canada, Hong Kong, the States, China and even Australia.  Mom will always be in our hearts looking at you with a smile - the same look that made you want to look away at first but wanting to look back again and again right after. 

Our Buffalo trip wasn't the best, as the deal down there wasn't the greatest.  The best deals was probably at A&F where they have 70% off additional to their sale items.  Gloria and I bought 6 items and the total was just $65 (we also have some credits to use from Kevin and Jamie - thanks!!!)  That means, it's basically free, hahaha.  The most expensive item was like $14!!!  Each Fian and I bought a pair of new snowboard pants - buy one get one free!!!  Hers was like $99 and mine was free, hahaha ($79).  

Even though the deals wasn't the greatest, Gloria and I got some time to really shop.  Thanks God for Fian and Dad, we took turns taking care of the boys while the other can focus on shopping, hahaha.  At one point, Fian and Gloria got to spend a good hour in one store, hahaha.  Actually, the boys were very good in general.  However, Jonah started to get sick having running nose and coughing again.  Thank God that he wasn't cranky at all.  It was another fun trip after all, especially when Dad drove pretty much all the way down and up while everyone else was sleeping like a pig, (except me, hahaha).  

Travelling is definitely Mom's cup of tea.  She left us with a big travelling package just before she got diagnosed with MDS end of 2011.  It's worth one big trip plus three smaller trips each year.  For sure, we'll be busy planning and travelling from now on.  It's not the easiest for the rest of us to plan I know.  None of us was excited even with the package she bought but I think it's the opposite after just one road trip like this.  Maybe we'll start planning our next trip soon.  Any suggestions? 

"Give praise to the Lord, proclaim His name; make known among the Nations what He has done."  (Psalm 105:1)

New Title...

That's right, I have changed the title of this blog.  At first, I was gonna say "Dad's Update" but I think this one is more suitable.  There won't be any more Mom's Update but only memories of hers.  We are having a clothing, accessories, shoes, lots of shoes, hand bags, ding ling dung lung give a way at church as I'm typing this.  See how much we can donate afterwards.  Dad said almost half of the stuff are gone, hahaha.  God is good.  Thanks to all who came!!!

Dad is thinking selling their one bed room condo in Markham, so he doesn't need to pay for the maintenance and property tax.  Of course, selling is just one option, renting it out is another.  See if God wants him to keep it or sell it, hahaha.  If you are looking for buying or renting a condo in the area of Highway 7/Warden (EKO), please feel free to contact us or Uncle Arthur.  We can give you more information about it.

Fian will be leaving in just a little more than a week.  Hopefully, we can get to spend some fun time together.  She's sleeping in almost everyday but when I kept challenging her about it.  She said, "That's it for the rest of this year!".  She's right, she used up all her vacation this year for Mom (and us).  Actually, she used more than that.  Much respect to her bosses back in HK, so she doesn't need to worry too much on her job, just totally focus to her family.  What else can you ask for from a boss, really?  I guess other than finishing Mom's stuff, each one of us needs time to recover a little so that we can continue living a life of testimony.  

Grandma invited for dinner last night.  The Ng's, the Laws and the Wentzell's were together again.  It was so much fun eating together always.  I had fun even though the boys weren't behaving the best last night, hahaha.  I was so full going to bed, hahaha.  

My friend Annie sent me a Facebook message just before Mom's departure.  Regretfully, I was too busy to finish reading it and I missed the chance to share what she sent me to Mom.  I feel so bad because Annie sent me a bible verse with a song based on that bible verse.  If the song is not based on this bible verse, I don't think I would feel as bad - that's right, it's Mom's favorite bible verse from the whole entire bible!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

“應當一無掛慮，只要凡事藉著禱告、祈求和感謝，將你們所要的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安，必在基督耶穌裡保守你們的心懷意念。” (腓立比書 4:6-7)

I don't know them but somehow God linked us together.  Thanks for the song - it's simple, positive and meaningful.  Check this out...

Check this out on Chirbit

I am uploading all the pictures from Uncle Alfred and Alex.  Will post them up soon...

What to focus...

There are a lot of things I want to share, even after Mom's departure.  I hope you are not bored reading this – you probably won’t if you are reading it now. Are you one of those who are still reading, hahaha?

Again, it’s already been a week after the visitation, funeral service and the burial.  Fian spent at least two/three days cleaning up Mom’s stuff including clothes, handbags, shoes, accessories, scarfs, jewelries, sun glasses, and all other “ding ling dung lungs”.  Gloria and Auntie Tiana are the first ones who picked up something after Fian already.  Surprisingly, Gloria picked something too, hahaha.  She always knows what she wants and even more on what she doesn’t, hahaha.  I think I should go find something little just for the sake of keeping, I don't know.  Auntie Tiana took two big garbage bags of “goodies”, hahaha.  Can't wait to see her in Mom's outfits, hehehe.  

Also, we are going to put everything at Church this Thursday morning (I think it's 10am).  If you are interested, please feel free to let us know (call Fian would be the best: 647-286-8628).  That case, you can come for an "exclusive advance glimpse" before Thursday, hahaha.  Or you can just show up at Fellowship Hall anytime after 10am on Thursday.  All the rest will be donated to those non-profit associations.

Fian also started to plan a little for herself during the weekend, like who to see, where to go, what to do, how to eat everything without gaining weight (without dancing nothing at all), hahaha, etc.  See if we can go snowboarding sometime or even have a short trip with her before she leaves.  Gloria said she wants to go back to ski afterall these years snowboarding with me, hehehe. She said she doesn’t want to fall anymore, hahaha.  I haven’t skied ever since I startedsnowboarding – too addictive!!!  Hopefully the kids are not too sick – oh, right, both of them weren’t feeling well starting this weekend.  Thank God though.  God gave us two healthy boys during the whole month last month when Mom was at the weakest.  God allowed us to focus on Mom without needing to worry about the boys.  Gloria is right,this is called counting our blessings. Please pray for them, including me. I think I’m getting a little sick also. Hope it’s not too serious.

I was trying to get back to normal going back to indoor soccer on Saturday night but the organizer is on vacation and the guy who's supposed to open the gym didn’t show up!!! I was very excited and of course very disappointed after as this was my very first time of the season.  But I got to spend some bubble tea time (at home) with Gloria and Fian to talk about everything, including Dad's recovery (yes, we talked about you Dad, haha) and to spend some quality time together.  It’s all good once again.

Dad is doing fine so far.  He also wanted to get back to normal going back to the gym but he left his running shoes in HK, so he went shopping with Fian but he didn’t want to spend too much keep refusing to buy anything.  Of course, Fian and I are buying him a pair of running shoes, hehe.  We know Dad will make good use of it.  Dad’s name is “Lok Koon”, it means optimistic in English and he is very optimistic most of the time, especially on money.  I guess he’s good with paying bills but when you talk about thinking ahead, planning and managing, it’s not the same story.  It’ll take some time for him to pick up but we know he is more than capable.  It's just that he is totally being spoiled by Mom who’s super good managing money with plans and vision.  If Iwere him, I would do the same and let Mom to be in control (in fact, I’m already doing the same giving everything to Gloria, haha).  When I told Gloria that Fian and I had spent some time explaining to him that he shouldn’t be that optimistic on money after Mom’s passing, she asked, “since when you become an advisor?”, hahaha.  She is right, I’m not any good but I guess weshould just keep checking on Dad and try to remind him that nothing will be thesame.  His income will be half from now on but he's still spending about the same thing on the house, car, etc.  Weare not worried but we just want to have a plan to see if he’ll be having surplus, just right, or if he is in minus. Fian and I will support him regardless but Mr. Optimistic always tell usnot to worry as he has "plenty", hahaha.  Well, God will provide for sure but Plan and Faith can go together.  Actually,the more he asks us not to worry, the more we got to worry, hahaha.  I think Fian, Gloria and I will feel betterif he actually knows how to worry, hahaha – if you know what I mean.  

Do I miss Mom?  Do I have my moments?  Of course I do.  According to my bible understanding, the time system on earth and that in heaven are not the same, which means one year of earth time could be just one day in heaven.  Mom maybe already very busy preparing stuff for us, haha.  But I don't think I'll ever delete this app...

Without His love, Mom can't have that much faith.  It's not possible to say bye to her love ones without even one single tear drop.  Without His love, we can't have this much hope to go through this together as a family.  We can't be this strong as one unit, including a lot of you.  Life goes on.  Even though I'm very sad knowing that Mom will never be able to celebrate Jonah's birthday with him, Gloria told me birthday is only one day in a year.  Why do I need to focus on that one day of a year and let myself be this sad.  She's right.  I'll keep trying.  I guess when you are sad, everything you see will be sad. I'm glad that I took Jake to Hong Kong last April when Mom was still very well.  We got to spend some quality time together.  That's something I should focus more on.  Thank God for giving us a very close family so that we can walk together with love.

Of course I miss her a lot and so do a lot of you.  I went to the cemetery on Saturday, just to check her out.  It's kinda scary that I wanted her to climb back up from below.  Yes, I know. It's creepy.  The flowers were still there but everything got sunk down a little.  I cleaned up a little around her area before leaving.

I didn't stay long but I told her how much I miss her.  I left with my heart very heavy.  My head was down cuz' the ground was wet and muddy.  But God asked me to look up and that's what I saw...

We just got the pictures from Uncle Alfred and Uncle Alex on Sunday (thank you!!!).  I haven't got a chance to finish looking at them but one thing really interesting that I realized: during the Farewell part in the Funeral Service on Saturday, I kept having the feeling that all guests were big like giants and I was surrounded by their big love and big care.  I felt like I was a little kid again, it was the bestest and warmest feeling.  I wasn't paying too much attention until when I was checking some of the pictures last night.  The Sanctuary at church was designed to have a little slope/incline having the lowest point near the stage.  That's where we were all lining up beside Mom when greeting everyone during Farewell!!!  That's why my little kid feelings are from, hahaha!!!  No wonder I felt so small (and short) that day, hahaha.  God is good always.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!¹⁹   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

"耶和華如此說：你們不要記念從前的事，也不要思想古時的事。看哪，我要做一件新事，如今要發現，你們豈不知道嗎？我必在曠野開道路，在沙漠開江河" (以賽亞書 43:18-19)

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1-3)

「主耶和華的靈在我身上，因為耶和華用膏膏我，叫我傳好信息給謙卑的人，差遣我醫好傷心的人，報告被擄的得釋放、被囚的出監牢， 報告耶和華的恩年和我們神報仇的日子，安慰一切悲哀的人， 賜華冠於錫安悲哀的人代替灰塵，喜樂油代替悲哀，讚美衣代替憂傷之靈，使他們稱為公義樹，是耶和華所栽的，叫他得榮耀。」 (以賽亞書 61:1-3)

Recap - The Burial

Mom left exactly two weeks ago and it's been a week after the visitation.  I am not sure if it's normal, I feel "lost" and "empty" after the visitation and service.  Even though it is kinda meaningless posting after Mom is gone, I know she still wants me to continue, at least for now.  Maybe one day, God will allow me to show you more about His love.    Maybe I'll stop one day without saying bye.  I'm just not sure. 

Dad is adapting.  I know he's trying hard.  We had dinner every night at mine except Tuesday when they (and Fian) joined Grandma for dinner at hers.  Please continue to pray for him as this is just the beginning.  Don't stop asking him about his feelings about Mom.  Men sometimes (actually all the time) have the tendency to put themselves in their own man cave, not showing any emotions and pretending they can tough things up.  I guess I am also a man after all but I am already better.  At least I'm writing it down to tell everyone, hahaha.  Grandma is still very sad but we were putting great effort just to keep her checked at all times.  Uncle Ed, Dad, Fian, us, even Carly would keep calling her until we can locate her (whether she's out having dim sum or out shopping or if she's with any of us, haha).  Keep it up, I'm sure Mom would do the same if she's still around.

Yesterday (20130117 Thursday) was Jonah's 2 year old birthday - Happy Birthday my sweet potato!  Can't believe time can fly this fast.  He's always the sweetest even though his "terrible 2" characteristics are picking up a little but I know he's gonna be a good boy.  A very good boy.  Dad and Fian spent the whole day with Gloria and the boys (no work and no school on Thursdays - for them only).  They had a blast I know.  Jake and Jonah will play a very important part in Dad's new life, I know.  Thanks J1 and J2!!!  

I remember Mom said she's kinda disappointed not being able to be back for Jonah's first year birthday last year (when she's stuck in HK receiving the treatment).  We were in the basement doing a FaceTime cake cutting with her on my phone.  There were many things happening around and I couldn't hear them well.  The connection wasn't the greatest either.  Being a patience-less person, I just kept wanting to hang up.  I even lost my temper a little.  It's hitting me big time now when I think back.  I'm so sorry Mom, I shouldn't have lost my temper on you again and again.  I really wasn't thinking enough.   I didn't know that was the only time you can celebrate with Jonah on his birthday, I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me. But I know you already did, I just know.  No worries, you will always be in our hearts every year in every celebrations of ours, I promise.

Back to Jonah's birthday celebration, we also went out for dinner together with Grandma for Jonah's favorite - shrimps!!!  This little guys had a dozen of shrimps all by himself!!!  Not those tiny ones but good medium size ones, my goodness.  He can eat.  It's all good.  We didn't mention too much about Mom until at the very end when Carly called, trying to locate Grandma (as she's not home, hahaha.  Told you we are checking up on her 24/7).  I don't think it's a good idea avoid talking about Mom but I guess at the back of our minds, we are not sure if it's good idea to bring back the tears.  I don't know, what do you think?

Let's get back to the last part of the Recap: Part 3...

The Burial - Thank God for the unexpected warm weather. After the final kiss and farewell, everyone was busy getting into their cars (either coming to the cemetery or leaving), going to washrooms, putting on their jackets, making phone calls, greeting each other, organizing, collecting ribbons, transporting flowers, wiping their tears, asking for directions, cleaning and packing up, etc.  It was just busy overall and  crowded with lots of different activities.  After saying bye to the boys (Cheryl) and Gloria.  I went back to my own car.  Fian joined Dad this time, so I was on my own going to the cemetery. 

Seeing so many things happening with so many busy people running around, my heart was the opposite.  It was very quiet and peaceful, nothing was happening in my car.  I even had time to see if my beacon was still functioning.  While waiting for the funeral crew, I looked up to the sky and I saw the sun!  "Sun, beautiful sun", one of my favorite song from Jonah's favorite TV show "Bubble Guppies" popped right up in my mind.  It came out right after the Service and was out the whole the during the burial.  I wasn't surprised though, Somehow, I knew God will provide (don't ask me why) and I was just enjoying the process the whole time.  

I was following Dad's car all along. I didn't pay attention to what's going on behind.  We were going really slow.  I was kinda hungry and getting impatient at a few points, hahaha.  When I arrived the cemetery, pull up, got off the car and looked back.  Then, I finally saw the "car dragon" behind us.  I'm so touched once again to see so many of you come all the way to the cemetery, staying outside in the middle of winter just to say goodbye to Mom.  I guess God allowed such warm weather with a purpose.  He's spoiling Mom one last time.  Honestly, I'm not surprised to see 500+ guests at the Service but I didn't expect to see 150+ family and friends at the cemetery!  Thank God again for the weather.  

It was so warm that the snow was all gone and the ground was kinda muddy and mushy.  But it didn't stop everyone from walking near Mom's spot.  We all gathered together with a short ceremony with prayers, passage, dedication of flowers and the burial itself.  I don't think it was longer than half an hour.

Jonah was very tired and was crying a little but he stopped when we started giving Mom flowers.  Jake was behaving very well the whole time, even though I know he was also hungry and tired.  He understands what's going on, I know.  Thanks for behaving so well the whole morning.  I'm so proud of you buddy.  It wasn't as emotional as I expected, it's all good.  The coffin dropped when we were trying to stay away.  It happened so fast that I couldn't even see - yes, I missed it.  But it's okay.  I know she's with Him at a better place.  We were only looking at her body which won't last forever.  Only her spirit will.  After the rundown, the workers started filling Mom's coffin.  Gloria and I went back to have a closer look at Mom's coffin one last time to make sure everything is good.  I prayed to God, "God, she's is all yours.  Please take good care of her for us.  Love you guys."

A few of the Aunties (Fu Auntie is one of them) didn't want to leave.  I know they know her before I was even born.  They know her before Mom even met Dad.  I don't have to say thanks to them.  They probably want to say thank to me, as they took Mom as theirs, I know (XOXO).  It must be hard for them.  Please keep praying for everyone who's in grief cuz' of Mom.  Pray that everyone of us can share the peace, the hope, the faith and the love from the same God.  

Grandma didn't come with us and headed to Wasabi with Jovy and Biu Yee.  We took a big part of the place and I know Wasabi had to give us more table just to fit our crowd - Mommy bestest family and friends.  Thanks to the Caring Team aunties by asking each one of them if they were planning to join our lunch, so they can make arrangements in advance.

Even though it was a short lunch having not much time to eat, I ate quite a lot, especially one the ice cream part.  When people were saying bye, a lot of them said, they cried and laughed at the same time - it's all good.  Pastor Johnny said he totally understands what I mean by a little more than Salt and Light when I talked about Mom, hahaha.  Yup, that's right, she's sometimes Spicy and Heat, hahaha.  The atmosphere was light and everyone had a great time catching up.  Thanks all for coming!!!

The Caring Team was amazing, they even checked each table to make sure if they belong to our group, hahaha.  Dad was so smart asking me to prepare a little more cash for our lunch and it was right on, too.  I think he is really picking up Mom's stuff quick.

I went back with Fian after lunch and this is what we saw...

Yes, we saw a mountain of fresh flowers all over Mom's place.  Thank God that it's just across from my house, so I can come say hi every day.  It's getting much colder already.  I guess the spoil is over.  "Let's have a fresh start" is on my mind with tons of positive energy - even though I know there'll be times that I would miss her and cry for a bit, it's all good and I'm excited to see what's ahead and what God has planned for us.  Nothing on earth will last forever, but His love is everlasting.  As long as we fear Him, this everlasting love will be with us, not just with us but will also with our children's children...

As a father has compassion on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴ for he knows how we are formed,
    he remembers that we are dust.
¹⁵ The life of mortals is like grass,
    they flourish like a flower of the field;
¹⁶ the wind blows over it and it is gone,
    and its place remembers it no more.
¹⁷ But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children (Psalm 103:13-17)

父親怎樣憐恤他的兒女、耶和華也怎樣憐恤敬畏衪的人。因為祂知道我們的本體、思念我們不過是塵土。至於世人、他的年日如草一樣。他們發旺如野地的花。經風一吹、便歸無有。他的原處、也不再認識他。但耶和華的慈愛、歸於敬畏祂的人、從亙古到永遠。祂的公義、也歸於子子孫孫。(

詩篇 103:13-17)

Recap - Funeral Service

As I said in my thank you speech, there are a few reasons for me to cry.  Let's see if you understand what I mean.  Here is Part 2.  

20130112 Saturday - To the rest of the world, it's just an unusual warm day in the middle of winter.  To us (including a lot of you), today is my Mom's funeral service day or our last day to be able to see her physically.

The Ng's and the Law's gathered together at church just before 8am.  Fian and I got up early enough to even have time for a coffee beforehand.  Our moods were still light.  I told her I didn't sleep much but she slept well, haha.  It's so warm that I didn't need my coat, just with my suit jacket.

The funeral home crew (in three vehicles - the leading escort, the coffin wagon and a cube van for transporting flowers) came with Mom right at the dot (8am).  Two of the pall bearers Tyler and Derek (we purposely spared the other four as they all have kids/babies - thanks Wilson, Nelson, Raymond, Vincent), Dad, Uncle Ed, Curt and myself carried Mom to the church's sanctuary.  

Of course, I have the honor to carry her picture.  That picture was taken in 1998. It's a photo package prize I won from an inter-university singing contest (told you I can sing, haha).  It's her favorite picture we know.  She used to put it right by the stairwell in our house on Springbrook so no one would miss, haha.  Sure she is always pretty, not just this picture and she will always be my pretty Mom.

The funeral home staffs transported all Mom's flowers to church overnight after the Visitation, so the set up was quick.  We were able to spend some time for coffee, taking pictures and going over some details of the rundown before guests arrived, including something like where to sit, who to say a word first, where to stand when, when we can have washroom breaks, the flow of the guests during farewell, who to keep an eye on Grandma at different times, etc.  The music of the slideshow still having some distortions somehow but our AV help Uncle Simon and Roy fixed it for me, thanks!  I also told Uncle Ed to keep a special eye on Grandma at the two most emotional parts: closing coffin at church and dropping it down at the cemetery.  Honest with you, my tears started coming the first time when Fian told me about these two emotional parts (Thanks to Rev. Wong's experience).  But I guess I have been picturing them and trying to warn others about it.  I'm actually ok that day.

A lot of helpers started to arrive later and again, I didn't get a chance to look at my watch the whole morning.  Just like last night, it went by pretty quick.  One of my Dad's friend who has been following this blog asked if I'm a writer.  I said no, I'm just a "water blower", haha.  We all had a good laugh.  Our mood was still light at that point.

I got a lot of compliments about this blog and honestly, I rather not to have them because I prefer seeing my healthy Mom instead if I have a choice.  I'm not questioning God's plan but I just don't want to take any credits.  It's really my honor to be able to do something for Mom and Dad.  Actually, it's a great way to express my feelings through this blog as I'm one of those who needs to express my feelings and thoughts (I always describe it as my fart, something you need to let it out, hahaha).  Also, it's informative enough for everyone who cares about Mom and wants to know her updates.  At first, I really was trying to avoid repeating myself numerous time when receiving phone calls, emails, messages asking about Mom.  So, credits only on Him.  He created us after all, including me.  Btw, a few of you was wondering where I can find time to write all these things on a blog with pictures and videos, etc.  My answer is "technology" once again.  Blogger has this app I can use on my phone so I can keep dropping things down anytime before I forget.  I can upload pictures and videos I took (also from my phone) all at the same time.  I may need to formalize my words a little before I publish it but it doesn't take long, maybe half an hour?  God is good always.

Guests started to arrive just before 10am.  At first Dad and I were greeting them in the foyer but Fian brought us back in to stay with Mom as ppl would come say hi anyways.  When I went back in, I saw this line up all the way from Mom's coffin to the end of the aisle and it was not even 9:30am (I'm just guessing this time).  It was quiet, peaceful, serious, proper and warm.  Here is the rundown if you missed the Service:

We sat on the front row in order: Dad, myself, Gloira and the boys (Cheryl), Fian, Grandma, Uncle Ed and Auntie Tiana with Dad the closest to Mom.  We have Carly, Tyler, Derek, Jenny (Derek's girlfriend), Curt and 4 Gu Jeh on the second row.  Rev. Wong is the master of the ceremony, Auntie Addie is our pianist, Uncle Alex helped with the video and Uncle Alfred on cameras.  They are the best.  I don't remember if we started on time but I know there was a lot of ppl.  Francis, the funeral home in charge, asked us to have a washroom break just before it starts but I didn't go as I want to fully enjoy everything and didn't want to leave. 

I wasn't too familiar with the first hymn "耶和華是愛", so I could still keep my cool.  Gloria kept checking on me the whole time and she gave me her hand at the chorus, but I was okay (thanks B).  The Service went on, with prayers, passages, a few words by Rev. Wong and even when the Special Choir (formed by Caring Team just for this ceremony) were singing "恩典之路", I was still holding up alright.  Thanks Auntie Katherine for helping and so happened, it's her birthday today (happy birthday).  I started crying singing the second hymn "誰曾應許" because it reminds me of the sharing of Mom back in October in the Caring Ministry Retreat.  Per Mom's request, our four generations presented this song after her sharing together (I'll try posting it later).  Her smile, her voice, her gestures, even her smell just all of a sudden embraced me completely.  It was so real that it felt like she was still around - but she's not.  When I looked up, I only saw her resting peacefully in front of me.  I miss her so much...and I never get to sing that song at all cuz' I just couldn't.  Yes, this is one of the reasons to cry...

Then, it was Dad's eulogy.  Originally, he wasn't sure if he could do it himself but he was courageous.  He insisted to do it himself.  After drafting and modifying it a few times, he came up with that all by himself.  Fian, Gloria and I all agreed that it's the best for Dad to do it himself.  He practiced it at home many times, we know.  It was a good job well done.  I'm so proud of you, Dad!!!  It wasn't too emotional until the very end which is also my favorite part: 

Before going to bed when we were still in Springbrook,

Mom: Stanley, set alarm...

Dad: ... ... ...

He then climbed up onto the bed and gave Mom a kiss.

Mom puzzled and pushed him away: What are you doing?

Dad: You said, "鍚一啖" no?

This is another reason to cry - seeing how much love Mom and Dad have and how much Dad misses her.  He ended the eulogy with a song and a kiss to Mom.  We still couldn't find out what song is that, "Longing to hold you, longing to kiss you...beginning to miss you...".  This is the same song he kept singing to Mom when Mom said not sure what he was singing (cuz' he was crying).  According to Dad, it's from a movie with Anne Margaret and Elvis Presley.  It's also from a song book called, "The Hit Song" back in the old days.  If you can find it, please let me know!!!  (Uncle Nelson, can you help?)

The remembrance was separated into two parts: first by the Ng's presented by Tyler (representing the kids), Auntie Tiana and Uncle Ed, then the Law's by myself.  Being an retired army and a future lawyer, Tyler held his composure very well.  It was very formal and professional.  It made the other speeches kinda "local" and casual, hahaha.  Here is his speech if you are interested.  It felt so much shorter hearing than reading, I have to say, hahaha.  Good job guys!  Following Tyler's, it was Auntie Tiana's cooking lessons cassette tapes and Uncle Ed's fam jam speeches.  Tyler is probably the only one who didn't cry this part (but I know he's having a hard time holding it, hahaha).

Rev. Wong then took the stage and almost missed me, hahaha.  Of course, he's smooth enough to cover it back nicely!  I'll translate my part in English later for whoever missed it, maybe even a video when Uncle Alex is ready.  As I said, it's probably too much if I'm to talk about Mom.  So mine was more like a thank you speech.  I took Gloria and Fian with me the whole time.  Fian finally broke her tears.  It's actually the first time I saw her cry since Mom's passing.  The boys were not bad at the beginning but Cheryl needed to take them out in the second half, hahaha.  Here is what I have on my phone, hahaha.  Good luck if you want to try understanding it (yes, that's my way talking in public - I won't follow scripts, hahaha):

I saw people cry and I saw people smile.  I heard people laugh and I also heard people blow their noses.  I can feel the joy overall knowing that we have fought the good fight and we have walked the good faith through Mom's sickness as a family.  We have shown everyone that our bond and love are strong and we want to keep living a life of testimony.  Yes, I cried a few times and this is the second time I cried in front of a crowd.  The first time was at my wedding.  The remembrance ended with the Slideshow and I hope you like it.  (Sorry, the quality isn't the best somehow when I uploaded it.)  

Echoing with my speech, we followed with the song "Thanks to God" or "感謝神".  We really really need to thank Him, without Him, we can't be this strong.  Without His love, we can't have this much hope even at this difficult time.  He's good always.  After Francis's instruction regarding the Burial part and Rev. Wong's benediction, it was the final part - Fairwell.  It's also our last goodbye to Mom.  

The third reason to cry was because of you - because I'm very touched seeing so many ppl show up, feeling so much love and care from each one of you.  I don't know how many thank you I want to say - it's never enough, I know.  I saw you, you and you.  I shook many hands.  I hugged many of you.  I cried many times but it didn't feel long at all after ~500 hand shakes and shoulder leans.  I'm sure Dad, Gloria, Fian, Uncle Ed, Auntie Tiana and 4 Gu Jeh can share the same feeling.  Thanks Carly and Derek for "body guarding" Grandma the whole time.  I kissed Mom the last time in this life time but I know this is not the end because of Him.  Because He died for us, just to save us.  For sure, our lives won't be the same without Mom, our love will only be sweeter and our bond will only be stronger.

Mom, I love you always...

Sorry, I lied.  There'll be Part 3.

⁶ For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. ⁷ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸ Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness,which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:6-8)