What to focus...

There are a lot of things I want to share, even after Mom's departure.  I hope you are not bored reading this – you probably won’t if you are reading it now. Are you one of those who are still reading, hahaha?

Again, it’s already been a week after the visitation, funeral service and the burial.  Fian spent at least two/three days cleaning up Mom’s stuff including clothes, handbags, shoes, accessories, scarfs, jewelries, sun glasses, and all other “ding ling dung lungs”.  Gloria and Auntie Tiana are the first ones who picked up something after Fian already.  Surprisingly, Gloria picked something too, hahaha.  She always knows what she wants and even more on what she doesn’t, hahaha.  I think I should go find something little just for the sake of keeping, I don't know.  Auntie Tiana took two big garbage bags of “goodies”, hahaha.  Can't wait to see her in Mom's outfits, hehehe.  

Also, we are going to put everything at Church this Thursday morning (I think it's 10am).  If you are interested, please feel free to let us know (call Fian would be the best: 647-286-8628).  That case, you can come for an "exclusive advance glimpse" before Thursday, hahaha.  Or you can just show up at Fellowship Hall anytime after 10am on Thursday.  All the rest will be donated to those non-profit associations.

Fian also started to plan a little for herself during the weekend, like who to see, where to go, what to do, how to eat everything without gaining weight (without dancing nothing at all), hahaha, etc.  See if we can go snowboarding sometime or even have a short trip with her before she leaves.  Gloria said she wants to go back to ski afterall these years snowboarding with me, hehehe. She said she doesn’t want to fall anymore, hahaha.  I haven’t skied ever since I startedsnowboarding – too addictive!!!  Hopefully the kids are not too sick – oh, right, both of them weren’t feeling well starting this weekend.  Thank God though.  God gave us two healthy boys during the whole month last month when Mom was at the weakest.  God allowed us to focus on Mom without needing to worry about the boys.  Gloria is right,this is called counting our blessings. Please pray for them, including me. I think I’m getting a little sick also. Hope it’s not too serious.

I was trying to get back to normal going back to indoor soccer on Saturday night but the organizer is on vacation and the guy who's supposed to open the gym didn’t show up!!! I was very excited and of course very disappointed after as this was my very first time of the season.  But I got to spend some bubble tea time (at home) with Gloria and Fian to talk about everything, including Dad's recovery (yes, we talked about you Dad, haha) and to spend some quality time together.  It’s all good once again.

Dad is doing fine so far.  He also wanted to get back to normal going back to the gym but he left his running shoes in HK, so he went shopping with Fian but he didn’t want to spend too much keep refusing to buy anything.  Of course, Fian and I are buying him a pair of running shoes, hehe.  We know Dad will make good use of it.  Dad’s name is “Lok Koon”, it means optimistic in English and he is very optimistic most of the time, especially on money.  I guess he’s good with paying bills but when you talk about thinking ahead, planning and managing, it’s not the same story.  It’ll take some time for him to pick up but we know he is more than capable.  It's just that he is totally being spoiled by Mom who’s super good managing money with plans and vision.  If Iwere him, I would do the same and let Mom to be in control (in fact, I’m already doing the same giving everything to Gloria, haha).  When I told Gloria that Fian and I had spent some time explaining to him that he shouldn’t be that optimistic on money after Mom’s passing, she asked, “since when you become an advisor?”, hahaha.  She is right, I’m not any good but I guess weshould just keep checking on Dad and try to remind him that nothing will be thesame.  His income will be half from now on but he's still spending about the same thing on the house, car, etc.  Weare not worried but we just want to have a plan to see if he’ll be having surplus, just right, or if he is in minus. Fian and I will support him regardless but Mr. Optimistic always tell usnot to worry as he has "plenty", hahaha.  Well, God will provide for sure but Plan and Faith can go together.  Actually,the more he asks us not to worry, the more we got to worry, hahaha.  I think Fian, Gloria and I will feel betterif he actually knows how to worry, hahaha – if you know what I mean.  

Do I miss Mom?  Do I have my moments?  Of course I do.  According to my bible understanding, the time system on earth and that in heaven are not the same, which means one year of earth time could be just one day in heaven.  Mom maybe already very busy preparing stuff for us, haha.  But I don't think I'll ever delete this app...

Without His love, Mom can't have that much faith.  It's not possible to say bye to her love ones without even one single tear drop.  Without His love, we can't have this much hope to go through this together as a family.  We can't be this strong as one unit, including a lot of you.  Life goes on.  Even though I'm very sad knowing that Mom will never be able to celebrate Jonah's birthday with him, Gloria told me birthday is only one day in a year.  Why do I need to focus on that one day of a year and let myself be this sad.  She's right.  I'll keep trying.  I guess when you are sad, everything you see will be sad. I'm glad that I took Jake to Hong Kong last April when Mom was still very well.  We got to spend some quality time together.  That's something I should focus more on.  Thank God for giving us a very close family so that we can walk together with love.

Of course I miss her a lot and so do a lot of you.  I went to the cemetery on Saturday, just to check her out.  It's kinda scary that I wanted her to climb back up from below.  Yes, I know. It's creepy.  The flowers were still there but everything got sunk down a little.  I cleaned up a little around her area before leaving.

I didn't stay long but I told her how much I miss her.  I left with my heart very heavy.  My head was down cuz' the ground was wet and muddy.  But God asked me to look up and that's what I saw...

We just got the pictures from Uncle Alfred and Uncle Alex on Sunday (thank you!!!).  I haven't got a chance to finish looking at them but one thing really interesting that I realized: during the Farewell part in the Funeral Service on Saturday, I kept having the feeling that all guests were big like giants and I was surrounded by their big love and big care.  I felt like I was a little kid again, it was the bestest and warmest feeling.  I wasn't paying too much attention until when I was checking some of the pictures last night.  The Sanctuary at church was designed to have a little slope/incline having the lowest point near the stage.  That's where we were all lining up beside Mom when greeting everyone during Farewell!!!  That's why my little kid feelings are from, hahaha!!!  No wonder I felt so small (and short) that day, hahaha.  God is good always.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!¹⁹   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

"耶和華如此說：你們不要記念從前的事，也不要思想古時的事。看哪，我要做一件新事，如今要發現，你們豈不知道嗎？我必在曠野開道路，在沙漠開江河" (以賽亞書 43:18-19)

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners" (Isaiah 61:1-3)

「主耶和華的靈在我身上，因為耶和華用膏膏我，叫我傳好信息給謙卑的人，差遣我醫好傷心的人，報告被擄的得釋放、被囚的出監牢， 報告耶和華的恩年和我們神報仇的日子，安慰一切悲哀的人， 賜華冠於錫安悲哀的人代替灰塵，喜樂油代替悲哀，讚美衣代替憂傷之靈，使他們稱為公義樹，是耶和華所栽的，叫他得榮耀。」 (以賽亞書 61:1-3)