Happy Easter Mom

Yes, it's been almost two weeks from my last post about Jake.  Busy and lazy are the only two things keeping me away from writing.  I also wanted to try letting things come to me instead of having a plan ahead of each post, if you know what I mean.

I miss Mom a lot more this two weeks.  Not sure if it's because of the Easter having a lot about death (of Jesus Christ) or if it's cuz' I haven't got a chance to write something down expressing myself, but for sure it's cuz' of the following few things:

We have selected her (and Dad's) monument last week.  Usually, they adjust the price in around April by 2-3% each year and that's why we wanted to finish the selection before the price goes up.  We have a few choices and somehow, she's surrounded by a lot of "reddish" ones, so we picked a black one with a cross.  Dad kept asking me what would Mom likes.  I'm sure she will like our choice but no matter what we choose, as long as it's a good deal, she'll like.  I removed two golden lanterns on the sides and saved $800!!!  I'm sure she'll be happy.  Oh yea, those things are not cheap I have to say.  Mom and Dad could have selected their own when they picked their spot but Mom purposely left that to Fian and I.  Not that she's being cheap, I know she did that with a puprose.  One of my guess is fulfilling the responsibility (of their descendants).  Another one is probably to give Fian and I a good chance to do something together for building up our relationship (maybe just in case we are not in good terms after their departures?).  Fian and I have been so very close that we always look out for one another all along, selecting a manoment is just too easy, especially when she's away in Taiwan having fun with Jane.  I sent her a few pictures and asked for her opinions.  Not like me, being super decisive, Fian made her pick in no time but said run by Dad.  She'll split the cost with me after.  The only question she had was if I want Canadian or HK dollar back.  I love our efficiency.  

Dad and I went together making the final decision including the bible verse, fonts, and all wordings to be engraved.  Mom's spot is still filled of flowers but they are no longer colourful after the winter but her memory in our hearts are still bright and wonderful.  Dad cried during the selection process telling me that Mom looked very well during the Caring Retreat back in October.  I didn't give him any response and he waited a little before he calmed himself down saying it's actually a good thing leaving this way.  Sorry Dad, whatever you have in mind was also in my mind and sometimes, I don't know how to answer you.  Only God has the answer, we just need to go after Him.  We seek and we will find.

The other thing that made me miss Mom especially this week was two dreams of mine.  It was quite real somehow and I am able to remember both of them very well.  The first one was at my house, around the breakfast table in the kitchen.  I was sitting at my usual spot facing the backyard.  It was a sunny day outside.  Mom was sitting on one end of the table on my right sharing her new recipe with a few aunties who were also sitting around the table.  All aunties was praising her food and they were all having fun while enjoying her food just made.  Mom all of a sudden gave everyone this sad face saying, "it would be nice if Dad's still around.".  That's right, Dad was the one who's not around in that dream (sorry Dad but it was like that in my dream, hehe).  I know I was then crying in the dream because I missed Dad.  I cried so hard that I woke myself up in the middle of the night.  When I got up, I was glad that it was just a dream, which means Dad is still around.  However, that also meant that Mom's recipe and her food weren't real.  I cried once again until I fell back asleep.  Her cooking was very good and creative, at least to my liking.  Being the only son of hers, I'm the second biggest fan of her stuff, if not the first.  She's still so real in my mind like she's still around.  I almost can smell her sometimes when I think of her.  How are you Mommy?  I miss you so much!!!  Jonah kept mentioning you whenever we drove by your house, "Mah Mah Yeh Yeh's house!!!".  He also knows our names including Dad's Stanley and yours too, "IRENE!!!".

The second dream happened the very next night after the first one.  This time both Mom and Dad were in the dream.  We were still living in our Springbrook house (our first and only house since we came to Canada until I'm married).  The house still feel the same but it didn't look the same because they have hired someone to have a little make over.  It was like my first time visiting them after the make over.  I was checking each rooms inside out figuring each change.  Mom and Dad were like tour guides/real estate agents showing me everything.  I had provide my comments at the same time but overall, I love our new house.  The dream was so real that I can even remember a lot of the details like how I was measuring the width of the second staircase with my arm span, saying that it's so much wider than my house, etc.  There are a few scenes that were kinda confusing to me like how I needed to crawl in the basement trying to figure out how to get to the garage but later found that it was from the main floor with an unfinished opening and how I got lost inside trying to figure out the direction (yes, North, Sourth, etc).  This time I didn't cry when I woke up.  I only miss Mom more.  I miss how we were driving around looking for houses when we first came to Canada.  I miss how we select everything of the house together and how Mom likes all my opinions.  Fian went to our old house each time when she's back.  The tree in front is now so tall that I don't think we'll need the blind in Fian's room anymore (if we were still living there).  They are still using our LED plate for house number in the front.  All our interlocks are still in very good shape.  The park across is having some brand new facilities for the kids.  It would be nice if we are still living there with the kids, hahaha.  

The funeral home representative always say that he regrets meeting us a bit too late or he would've joined Mom to all these cruise trips with worship, bible studies and devotions.  When he asked what we wanted to say on the monument, "Always loving, always loved" was in my head and Daddy picked their favorite bible verse, "We loved because He first loved us."  Of course, I have no objection to Dad's.  I Whatsapped Fian right after telling her the price and details, she only replied me with half of the price and said, "Great, thanks.  Tell Mom that I love her.  Oh and Dad too, hahaha".  Mom, no worries, Dad is doing fine, Fian and I will keep loving each other, just keep watching over us until we meet again.  Yes, I miss you so much that I have to keep looking at your little app.  

Other than Mah Mah, I won't forget about my other Grandma.  She's also doing great enjoying eating with us and the boys all the time.  The boys love her soup and Law Bak Go so much that makes her very happy!  I'm sure we can expect to see a lot more of those each week, hehehe.  Thank God for giving us so much time with her.  Uncle Simon Tam told us that it took him about 10 years before he recovers from his Dad's departure.  I am not sure if I can beat him but I think I can.  The missing feeling will always be there no matter but the sorrow part is pretty much gone (if crying doesn't count, hehehe).   

Love always, 

Your baby boy...
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." (Matthew 7:7-8)